Most of the time, I create my webpages borrowing information from other more reputable sources: experts, books, other websites, etc., as if what I had to say was not important enough or valid enough to voice; that no one would care to listen to what I had to say. After all, why should they?
Well, after some contemplation, I have decided, "What the hay? Why not create one area where you can summarize all your much-thought-out philosophies and beliefs. They are just as good as what anyone else could offer, right? Of course right."
I have talked to myself all my life. Some of the best conversations I have ever had were with myself. Through these monologous chats, I have gained insight into who I am, discerned a great deal about the universe in which I live, and established the basic tenets by which I exist.
My psychological personality type is "INFP", if that means anything to you. It stands for Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, and Perceptive. I scored almost 100% or darn close in each category, making me almost a pure "INFP," which as I understand it, is quite unique. I love solitude and intimacy. I think and act according to my feelings and beliefs, mostly operating on faith. Faith, of course, being that which we believe though have not seen; to be sure of the things we hope for. Many things I believe in, I have no tangible proof of. Things for which I feel passionately have no logical explanation or scientific research to back them up. All that I know is what I feel. Somehow that makes others see my belief system as somehow not "real." However, what I believe in is the ultimate reality to me.
Probably one of my most powerful beliefs is this:
After all, "God is love and all who live in love, live in God." I John 4:15 My whole basis for living; the very motivation for my self-actualization on this earthly plane has been the guidance of my heart. I am driven by love. Love is eternal. There is no more powerful or beautiful force in this universe than love. Believe that.
|Love is patient and kind;
it is not jealous or conceited or proud;
love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable;
love does not keep a record of wrongs;
love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth.
Love never gives up;
and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.
Love is eternal.
I Corninthians 13:1 - 8a
Some people think with their heads, others are guided by their hearts. I am of the latter variety. I could have avoided a great many trials had I just done the prudent, sensible thing in those situations which I was presented with. If only I would have followed the societal rules, the moral and logical solution, I could have averted disaster. But, had I done what others thought was right and not followed my own internal guidance, I would have been dreadfully miserable inside, knowing that I had denied my very soul. Instead, I did follow my heart, and in doing so, was also wrought with misery. But I have no regrets. I will continue to follow my heart on the path to self-actualization, fulfilling my life's purpose and always being true to myself. For on this earth, we are alone. We are accountable only to ourselves. It is we who must account for our actions and decisions when we reach the end and accept judgment for the course of our lives. I shall always follow my heart as it journeys toward my dreams, distant as they may be.
Many things I have gleaned along this way, in the short 28 years which I have journeyed this planet on this course. I am what I believe to be an "old soul." I feel I have journeyed this path many times before. I feel a special bond to certain individuals with no explanation for my intense affection, other than some connection in a previous lifetime. It is not something I can prove. It is just something inherent in who I am, in what I believe. I feel intense emotion. I feel immense spirituality. I am extremely passionate. I have a love of beauty and surround myself with beautiful things. I need an environment in which I can find peace and solitude. I meditate by candlelight. I inhale the soothing scents of incense as it rises to heaven along with my prayers. I dance poetically to lyrical love songs. I paint vivid portraits and draw pictures when inspiration strikes me. I create music when my passion must find its expression through song. I keep a journal to give a written record of my experiences along the journey. I often express myself in poetry, which flows more naturally from my pen than do words from my lips. I feel like a muse sometimes, living in a world of art, expression, and beauty; feeling most comfortable and "at home" in this environment. I am drawn to things celestial. I find peace when I look into the night sky, feeling its immensity and getting lost in its vastness. I relate most to the colour Cobalt Blue. If I were a colour, I would be Cobalt Blue, with its deepness, richness, mystery, and passion.
I pray at every chance. I praise the Creator for all things good. I strive to thank God for every thing He has blessed me with, from the ability to see with my eyes, to the home which surrounds and protects me, to the family with whom He has placed me, to the people he has brought me to love. I thank Him for challenges and especially for faith to get me through them. I thank God for the gift He has made me to be. I make a conscious effort to not take anything or anyone for granted, for all is a gift from I Am. I try not to ask for anything in my prayers unless it seems very important to me. I will pray for guidance, for special situations which are embedded deep into my heart. That way, when I ask from God, I know that He will hear me and answer my prayers.
|Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God--what is good and pleasing to Him and is perfect.
Music is a cherished treasure. In performing it, I am able to express myself in a way that I could do in no other way. Tensions are released with each note I play. Listening to music helps me escape. It helps me remember who I am. It connects me to God. When I dance, I can get lost in it. I become the melodies, floating weightlessly about the atmosphere. Music is a special gift.
Sensuality. Sexuality. Passion. Romance. All the expressions of love which I so profoundly desire to demonstrate and share. But this cannot be with just anyone. I must be in the presence of one who is capable of understanding the intensity of emotion that I, myself, experience. He must feel as passionately as I. He must understand me. He must be willing and able to experience boundless happiness in my presence, to give himself completely, honestly, to me. I have, in my short years, found many who I would have thought fit this description. I have loved many times. Sadly, most whom I have believed were somehow meant for me, have been unable to respond to my love. They were ill-equipped to answer the call. I always dreamed of the one who I was destined to be with, my soulmate. He would be very intelligent, passionate, kind, generous, expressive, artistic, creative, poetic, emotional; with dark hair, sparkling eyes, soft strong hands; He would satisfy me in every way. He would fulfill my need for friendship, trust, and love. He would share my faith. He would share my enthusiasm for art and music. He would see me as beautiful and treat me in that way, making me feel aesthetic and honored. I would love him with all that I am, respect him, cherish him, honor him. We would talk for hours, share insights, debate philosophies, laugh deeply, want for nothing more when in the presence of one another. Our lovemaking would be holy, sacred, spiritual: the uniting of two souls as one. We would complete each other. Fulfill each other. Be a living example of Love.
My words of wisdom for all to hear:
How do you know when you have met your soulmate? What exactly is a soulmate? Is there any way to know for certain?
Well, it is based on faith, hope, and love....and, well, you just know.
Every oak tree started as a couple of nuts who stood their ground.
Thoughts? Comments? Send me an email to let me know.
Last updated on Monday, January 06, 2003 11:48 AM